What Is DARVO? How Abusers Deny, Attack and Reverse Victim and Offender

Direct answer: What is DARVO? DARVO stands for Deny, Attack, and Reverse Victim and Offender, a response to being challenged about harm that shifts attention away from the behaviour and onto the person raising it. Someone may deny responsibility, attack your credibility and present themselves as the victim, but the label alone does not prove abuse or establish what happened.

By Rochelle Marashi, MA, MBACP - Registered Member of BACP, registration number 416139.

Reviewed on: 29 October 2026

Crisis and safety note: If you are in immediate danger, contact emergency services by calling 999. Samaritans: 116 123 (24 hours, free). National Domestic Abuse Helpline: 0808 2000 247 (24 hours, free). Crisis and Emergency Guidance. The National Domestic Abuse Helpline supports women in England. If your device may be monitored, use a safer device to seek help where possible. Private browsing and Quick Exit do not remove every trace of activity. Therapy is not an emergency service.

What do “deny”, “attack” and “reverse victim and offender” mean?

Psychologist Jennifer J. Freyd introduced the term DARVO to describe a response that can occur when someone is confronted about wrongdoing. The three parts help explain how a conversation about harm can become a conversation about the supposed faults of the person who raised it.

• Deny: The person rejects responsibility or says the harmful behaviour did not happen.
• Attack: They question the credibility, character or motives of the person raising the concern.
• Reverse Victim and Offender: They present themselves as the injured party and the person raising the concern as the wrongdoer.

These parts describe a pattern, not a diagnostic test. Not every denial is DARVO, and someone who disputes an allegation may have a legitimate reason to do so. The context and available evidence still matter.

For the wider explanation of this pattern, visit my DARVO guide.

What might DARVO sound like in a relationship?

The following is a fictional example, not a transcript or evidence about a particular person:

You raise a concern: “You accessed my private messages after I asked you not to.”

• Denial: “I never did that.”
• Attack: “You are paranoid and always inventing problems.”
• Role reversal: “I am the one being mistreated because you keep accusing me.”

The discussion has shifted from the concern about privacy to an attack on the person raising it. You may find yourself defending your character instead of discussing the behaviour.

No individual phrase is enough to establish a pattern. Consider what happens across interactions, whether your concerns can be discussed safely and whether there are wider attempts to intimidate or control you.

Why can DARVO leave me feeling confused or responsible?

When a concern is repeatedly turned back on you, it can become difficult to stay focused on what you wanted to discuss. You may start trying to prove that you are fair, reasonable or trustworthy rather than considering whether your boundary was crossed.

You might feel ashamed for bringing something up, replay the conversation or wonder whether you caused the problem. Those feelings deserve attention, but they do not by themselves establish the other person's intent or provide a diagnosis.

The useful question is not only “Can I prove this was DARVO?” It is also “What happened, how did it affect me, and can I raise concerns without intimidation?”

How is DARVO different from gaslighting or ordinary defensiveness?

DARVO concerns a particular shift in accountability: denial, attack and reversal of victim and offender roles. Gaslighting concerns attempts to undermine another person's confidence in their perception, memory or judgement. A person might use both, but the terms describe different features of behaviour.

Defensiveness can occur in disagreements without forming an abusive pattern. An initial defensive reaction is not the same as repeatedly attacking someone's credibility and making them responsible for raising a concern.

Context matters more than using the strongest label. Where there is coercive control, the wider pattern may restrict your freedom or make disagreement feel unsafe. My coercive control therapy online page explains the emotional support I offer around those experiences.

Does DARVO mean someone is a narcissist or prove an allegation?

No. DARVO is a descriptive concept, not a mental health diagnosis. It cannot establish that someone has a personality disorder, and it should not be used as a substitute for examining evidence.

Equally, someone claiming to be a victim does not automatically mean they are reversing roles. People who have been harmed can respond with distress or anger, and genuine concerns can be raised by more than one person. The label should not become another way of dismissing someone without listening to what happened.

If you are seeking support, describing specific behaviour and its effect may be more helpful than trying to diagnose the other person.

Can DARVO involve other people or continue after separation?

The response may be directed at you, but it can also be presented to friends, relatives or other people whose opinions matter. Someone may deny the concern, discredit you and ask others to see them as the person being harmed.

After separation, a similar shift may occur when concerns are raised about unwanted contact, money or shared responsibilities. This is not a claim that every disagreement between former partners is abuse.

If the wider pattern includes threats, monitoring or pressure, a specialist domestic abuse service can help you consider safety and practical support. Therapy can offer a separate space to explore the emotional effects.

What if DARVO appears in a legal dispute or alongside an NDA?

A denial, counter-allegation or disagreement in a legal process is not automatically DARVO. Calling behaviour DARVO does not establish legal liability or resolve contested facts.

My legal abuse and NDAs guide explores related concerns. If you have questions about a non-disclosure agreement, court proceedings or what you can safely share, seek independent advice from a qualified legal adviser. Do not assume that this article tells you whether an agreement is enforceable or that you can disregard a court order.

This article does not treat DARVO as a standalone criminal offence. Stalking and coercive control have different legal frameworks in England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland. Any assessment of possible offences or legal options must use the law that applies to your circumstances, not the DARVO label alone.

What can I do when a conversation keeps being turned against me?

You do not have to get the other person to accept the term DARVO before seeking support. Trying to win an argument about the label may not make the interaction safer or more constructive.

If it is safe, you might focus on the specific behaviour you want to discuss rather than responding to every accusation. But there is no obligation to keep explaining yourself in a conversation that feels threatening.

If you fear intimidation, monitoring or retaliation, seek specialist advice about safety and communication. Keeping messages or notes may sometimes be useful, but only if doing so does not increase risk. You do not need to collect evidence before asking a support service for help.

NHS guidance on domestic abuse support explains that you do not have to wait for an emergency to seek help. Support options elsewhere in the UK include Live Fear Free in Wales, Scotland's Domestic Abuse and Forced Marriage Helpline and the Domestic and Sexual Abuse Helpline in Northern Ireland. Respect Men's Advice Line supports men and Galop supports LGBT+ people affected by abuse. Check each service's current remit and opening hours.

How can online therapy help me make sense of these experiences?

I offer space to explore the effects of being blamed, discredited or left questioning yourself. We can talk about what you have experienced and how it affects you now, without requiring you to use a particular label.

I have a special interest in stalking, coercive control, abuse and trauma. Therapy does not investigate allegations, decide legal facts or replace specialist safety planning.

I offer short and long term individual online therapy to adults aged 18+ across the UK and Europe. I work exclusively in English via Google Meet. Sessions cost £70 for 50 minutes. Read about online therapy in the UK and my background and qualifications.

If any of this felt familiar

You do not need to decide anything today, or have the words for it yet. If you would like to talk with a therapist who works with stalking, coercive control and abuse, I offer a short, free introductory call so you can find the right fit. No obligation to continue.

Contact me to ask about a 15-minute call, or read more about how online therapy works.

This content is educational and does not create a therapeutic relationship. If you are experiencing difficulties, please contact a qualified professional. If you are in crisis, please visit the Crisis and Emergency Guidance page.

What does research tell us about DARVO?

Jennifer J. Freyd's explanation of DARVO sets out the definition and links to the research. She introduced the term in a 1997 peer-reviewed article.

A 2017 study by Harsey, Zurbriggen and Freyd asked 138 undergraduate participants to recall confronting someone about wrongdoing. Greater reported exposure to DARVO was associated with greater self-blame. This was a retrospective study, so it does not establish that DARVO caused those feelings or tell us how common it is among all abuse survivors.

Harsey and Freyd's 2020 research used fictional scenarios with university-student participants. DARVO responses affected observers' judgements of credibility and responsibility; learning about DARVO reduced some of those effects. These findings do not establish guilt in real cases or predict everyone's response.

The research helps explain why this pattern merits attention, while leaving important limits. DARVO is not a tool for diagnosing a person or deciding whether an allegation is true. The three elements also need not appear in a rigid order.

Which sources support the safety information?

See NHS domestic abuse guidance, GOV.UK support signposting, Women's Aid information and support and the National Domestic Abuse Helpline's safety-planning information. These sources provide general guidance, not an individual safety assessment.