What Is Coercive Control? 12 Signs and How It Affects Mental Health

By Rochelle Marashi, MA, MBACP (BACP registration 416139) - Reviewed on 29 October 2026

Short answer: Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour that slowly takes away a person's freedom, confidence and sense of self, through isolation, monitoring, threats, humiliation and control over everyday life. It is rarely one incident, which is why it can be hard to recognise while it is happening. It is a crime across the UK, and it can leave lasting effects such as anxiety, self-doubt, hypervigilance and shame, which therapy can help with.

If you are in danger right now, call 999. If you cannot speak, call 999 and press 55 when prompted (Silent Solution). The National Domestic Abuse Helpline (England) is on 0808 2000 247, free and 24 hours. Samaritans are available 24 hours a day on 116 123. Therapy is not an emergency service. This website has a Quick Exit button on every page.

Key facts

Coercive control is a pattern, not a single event
It can happen in relationships, families and other close relationships
It is a criminal offence in England and Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland, under different laws
Common effects include anxiety, confusion, low self-worth, trauma responses and isolation
Support: online therapy with Rochelle Marashi, MA, MBACP, BACP registration 416139, £70 for 50 minutes on Google Meet

What is coercive control in a relationship?

Coercive control is when one person uses a pattern of behaviour to dominate another. It often starts small and builds over time, so the rules and restrictions can feel normal before you notice how much of your life has shrunk. It does not have to include physical violence to be serious. Many people only recognise it once they have left, or once someone puts a name to it.

What are the 12 signs of coercive control?

Everyone's experience is different, and you do not need to recognise every sign. Common signs include:

Isolating you from friends, family or support.
Monitoring you, such as checking your phone, location, messages or spending.
Controlling money, giving you an allowance or stopping you working.
Making rules about what you wear, eat, where you go or who you see.
Putting you down, humiliating or criticising you, in private or in public.
Gaslighting, making you doubt your memory or perception of events.
Threats, including threats to hurt you, themselves, children or pets, or to share private information.
Jealousy and accusations used to justify control.
Punishing you with silence, anger or withdrawal of affection when you do not comply.
Controlling communication, deciding when and how you can speak to others.
Restricting basic needs, such as sleep, food, medication or healthcare.
Making you feel responsible for their moods or behaviour, so you are always on edge.

If you are unsure where gaslighting ends and coercive control begins, my guide on gaslighting vs coercive control explains the difference.

How does coercive control affect mental health?

Living under constant control can change how your mind and body work. People often describe:

Anxiety and hypervigilance, always watching for the next change in mood.
Self-doubt and confusion, struggling to trust your own judgement.
Low self-esteem and shame, believing the criticism you heard.
Trauma responses, such as flashbacks, poor sleep, feeling numb or shut down.
Depression and isolation, especially if relationships with others were cut off.
Difficulty making decisions, after a long time of not being allowed to.

These are understandable responses to an unsafe situation, not signs that something is wrong with you.

Why is coercive control so hard to recognise?

Coercive control is often gradual and mixed with moments of kindness or apology, which makes it confusing. It can also feel isolating to describe, because each single incident may sound small to someone else. The impact comes from the pattern, and from living with fear and restriction over time.

Is coercive control a crime in the UK?

Yes, but the law is different in each part of the UK:

England and Wales: controlling or coercive behaviour in an intimate or family relationship is an offence under section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015. The Domestic Abuse Act 2021 extended it to cover ex-partners and family members who no longer live together.
Scotland: the Domestic Abuse (Scotland) Act 2018 makes it an offence to engage in a course of behaviour that is abusive of a partner or ex-partner, including psychological abuse and controlling behaviour.
Northern Ireland: the Domestic Abuse and Civil Proceedings Act (Northern Ireland) 2021 created a domestic abuse offence covering a course of abusive behaviour, including controlling and coercive behaviour, against a partner, ex-partner or close family member.

I am a psychotherapist, not a solicitor, and this is general information, not legal advice. For advice about your situation, speak to the police, a solicitor or a specialist domestic abuse service.

Can you recover from coercive control?

Yes. Recovery usually takes time and is rarely a straight line. It often involves understanding what happened, rebuilding trust in yourself, reconnecting with others and helping your nervous system feel safer. My guide on recovering from coercive control looks at signs of healing and what recovery can involve.

How can therapy help after coercive control?

Therapy offers a confidential space where you are believed and can go at your own pace. I work in an integrative, trauma-informed way, with a special interest in coercive control. Together we can look at confusion, self-doubt, fear, anger and grief, and what you want your life to look like now. You can read more on my coercive control therapy online page.

I offer short and long term online therapy on Google Meet to adults aged 18+ across the UK and Europe. Sessions are 50 minutes and cost £70. Full details are on my online therapy UK page.

What is the simplest definition of coercive control?

Coercive control is a pattern of behaviour used to dominate someone and limit their freedom, through things like isolation, monitoring, threats, humiliation and rules about everyday life.

Can coercive control happen without physical violence?

Yes. Coercive control often involves no physical violence at all. The harm comes from the ongoing pattern of fear, restriction and control.

Is coercive control illegal in Scotland and Northern Ireland?

Yes. Scotland covers it under the Domestic Abuse (Scotland) Act 2018, and Northern Ireland under the Domestic Abuse and Civil Proceedings Act (Northern Ireland) 2021. England and Wales use section 76 of the Serious Crime Act 2015.

What are the long-term effects of coercive control?

Long-term effects can include anxiety, hypervigilance, low self-esteem, self-doubt, trauma responses, poor sleep and difficulty trusting others or yourself. These effects can ease with time and support.

How do I start therapy for coercive control?

You can book a free 15-minute introductory call with me to ask questions and see whether working together feels right. Sessions are 50 minutes on Google Meet and cost £70.

If any of this felt familiar

You do not need to decide anything today, or have the words for it yet. If you would like to talk with a therapist who works with stalking, coercive control and abuse, I offer a short, free introductory call so you can find the right fit. No obligation to continue.

Contact me to ask about a 15-minute call, or read more about how online therapy works.

This article is for general information and is not a substitute for professional, medical or legal advice.